I'm thinking about the post I just lost, and about how nasty it is to realise that there are few people who are actually loving, and that there is no way to truly have a self deterministic existence due to the fact that we exist in a world that has relation to other matter, lifeforms, etc.
It is truly depressing that I must still feel the need to connect to someone physically because I want to feel something lovey and romantic, for physical stimulation is so helpful to calming a scared animal. It's hard to say why sometimes we have hope for various kinds of activities for the different people who take part in our lives; who we choose to engage romantically with and who we choose to have more casual relationships with. That certain biologies and evolutionary trajectories lean toward certain activities and we must realise that we cannot hope to control others, even if we feel it is in their best interest or our own. But it all does truly come down to some kind of physical interaction, for as previously stated, everything starts with a physical form. Then the flow of universal energy, gravity and dispersal of matter must have some kind of impact upon the actions of the beings taking part in interactions etc. It all feels so wonderfully strange when the world seems to coagulate into a true composition with interesting symbolic elements - but we attribute their symbology due to the nature of their existence. Also interesting. All attractions to others take part at the basest physicality, that even if we cannot physically view what it is we are so attracted to, that the consciousness even has to have some form of matter in order to exist and have an interaction with you.
I keep clinging, it hurts. I hurt. There isn't a lot that I can do to supplement the addiction and the warmth of the other persons core, the tingle and submission of being in their arms. I've become accustomed to the interaction. I've become simplified because of my need to invest my time in such silly behaviours, among other reasons... dealing with the stark frailty of life, and the cruelty that takes place... these simple interactions would, I imagine otherwise be construed as time wasting for those who are heartier or even more solitary than myself if not for actual need. I feel behind because of my need to socialize, that perhaps things would have gotten done faster if I had simply disconnected; though I wonder if I would have learned nearly as much. There is value in human interaction, whether or not someone can see it or value it themselves is simply just preference or an argument waiting to happen.
Because everyone has a different biology and set of experiences, we will perceive everything around us differently. So to say that one person or a set of certain people should determine a trajectory is either part of the process of loss of rights for others or a depressing reality that we have to be faced with; that there will always be some reason why it's difficult to procure the necessities; maybe it's just me. Maybe it's an evolutionary process in which we cannot help, that the ideals we strive for may be impossible to some extent for certain stretches of time, maybe always because of how energy works... and there may always be some kind of opposition to love and understanding. It's depressing to feel that I may never have the capacity to make many decisions for myself to much of an extent, and I suppose I can understand it due to an overpopulated biosphere and materialistic needs. Undeniable, in human beings and in situation. Though then one can ponder if that can be altered through genetics.
I'm still extremely annoyed about losing my prior copy of this document, extremely depressed. To the point where I can't seem to understand why this kind of thing keeps happening to me. As I've probably figured before; word document first, then post. THEN POST!
In regards to power and control: rationally seeking power over your own situation rather than influencing people negatively is more important than feeling special and big in comparison to others. I ask myself the question, do those in power or who seek power do so intentionally and with malice in their hearts and to feel large? Do they truly believe that they can make things better if they are in control? Or is it all due to selfish whimsy with the intent to hurt others for personal gain? Or is it all just misinterpretations and ignorances? Do these people choose themselves for these roles too? Would it be enjoyable to take part in something like that? Would I take it seriously? 10:50 PM
It is truly depressing that I must still feel the need to connect to someone physically because I want to feel something lovey and romantic, for physical stimulation is so helpful to calming a scared animal. It's hard to say why sometimes we have hope for various kinds of activities for the different people who take part in our lives; who we choose to engage romantically with and who we choose to have more casual relationships with. That certain biologies and evolutionary trajectories lean toward certain activities and we must realise that we cannot hope to control others, even if we feel it is in their best interest or our own. But it all does truly come down to some kind of physical interaction, for as previously stated, everything starts with a physical form. Then the flow of universal energy, gravity and dispersal of matter must have some kind of impact upon the actions of the beings taking part in interactions etc. It all feels so wonderfully strange when the world seems to coagulate into a true composition with interesting symbolic elements - but we attribute their symbology due to the nature of their existence. Also interesting. All attractions to others take part at the basest physicality, that even if we cannot physically view what it is we are so attracted to, that the consciousness even has to have some form of matter in order to exist and have an interaction with you.
I keep clinging, it hurts. I hurt. There isn't a lot that I can do to supplement the addiction and the warmth of the other persons core, the tingle and submission of being in their arms. I've become accustomed to the interaction. I've become simplified because of my need to invest my time in such silly behaviours, among other reasons... dealing with the stark frailty of life, and the cruelty that takes place... these simple interactions would, I imagine otherwise be construed as time wasting for those who are heartier or even more solitary than myself if not for actual need. I feel behind because of my need to socialize, that perhaps things would have gotten done faster if I had simply disconnected; though I wonder if I would have learned nearly as much. There is value in human interaction, whether or not someone can see it or value it themselves is simply just preference or an argument waiting to happen.
Because everyone has a different biology and set of experiences, we will perceive everything around us differently. So to say that one person or a set of certain people should determine a trajectory is either part of the process of loss of rights for others or a depressing reality that we have to be faced with; that there will always be some reason why it's difficult to procure the necessities; maybe it's just me. Maybe it's an evolutionary process in which we cannot help, that the ideals we strive for may be impossible to some extent for certain stretches of time, maybe always because of how energy works... and there may always be some kind of opposition to love and understanding. It's depressing to feel that I may never have the capacity to make many decisions for myself to much of an extent, and I suppose I can understand it due to an overpopulated biosphere and materialistic needs. Undeniable, in human beings and in situation. Though then one can ponder if that can be altered through genetics.
I'm still extremely annoyed about losing my prior copy of this document, extremely depressed. To the point where I can't seem to understand why this kind of thing keeps happening to me. As I've probably figured before; word document first, then post. THEN POST!
In regards to power and control: rationally seeking power over your own situation rather than influencing people negatively is more important than feeling special and big in comparison to others. I ask myself the question, do those in power or who seek power do so intentionally and with malice in their hearts and to feel large? Do they truly believe that they can make things better if they are in control? Or is it all due to selfish whimsy with the intent to hurt others for personal gain? Or is it all just misinterpretations and ignorances? Do these people choose themselves for these roles too? Would it be enjoyable to take part in something like that? Would I take it seriously? 10:50 PM